hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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