well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
