I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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