We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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