after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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