apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
