I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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