my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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