Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just cropdusted the office
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
