are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
