so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
