What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
