Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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