so let's talk penis.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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