I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
