party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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