is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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