I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
