My brain says no but my pants say off.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
