"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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