Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
