yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
