Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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