she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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