And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
