Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
