If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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