Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
