And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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