Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
