4 words: hood of his car
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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