Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
