Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
