I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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