But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
