My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
