I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so let's talk penis.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ok first of all what the fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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