nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
