Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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