I'm so fucking centered right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
