I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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