I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
