listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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