I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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