I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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