So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
