Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
