i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
