Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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