the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
