Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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