the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
