Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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