i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
