I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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