The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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