Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
