did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
either way he was missing a nipple.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
