is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
