omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
