I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its liver damage thursday
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
