Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
