Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
