That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
